The Forgiveness Challenge - Part 2 The topic of forgiveness often carries a complex and troubling side that is rarely discussed, particularly among leaders. This complexity arises when individuals claim to have forgiven you, yet their words and actions convey an entirely different narrative even when sincere apologies have been made. In today's age, social media complicates the forgiveness landscape, providing a platform for public grievances and personal attacks, often without accountability. Unfortunately, genuine human kindness and decency seem to be diminishing in many instances. As Christians, we must acknowledge that this shouldn't be the case. When faced with such situations, what should our response be? While solutions exist, they are not without their challenges.

Forgiveness is a topic often treated too casually. We are taught to forgive quickly, driven by our beliefs, sometimes just to alleviate our guilt or to avoid facing the consequences of our actions. Yet, when someone decides not to forgive and withholds grace, the resulting hurt can be profound. People might tell you to, "let it go", or claim it’s, "water under the bridge." However, when you have truly cared for someone, those emotions don’t simply disappear in the face of conflict. Dedicating time and energy to a friendship makes it feel wrong and unjust to erase that person from your life simply. Sadly, this has become a common attitude among many in the faith community.

My core belief in all this revolves around the incredible reality that Jesus has completely forgiven me—without any reservations. His forgiveness is so comprehensive that it feels as though I have never committed a single sin. The scriptures confirm that He removes my transgressions as far as the East is from the West. In ancient times, the notion of a flat Earth implied that East and West could never meet, which beautifully illustrates the total removal of sin described in Psalm 103:12. This is the extraordinary gift that Jesus has given me, and regardless of how others may perceive or treat me, I find my confidence in the truth that I am fully forgiven. This profound sense of forgiveness strengthens my bond with Jesus. He does not abandon me or withdraw His love, even when I may have caused Him sorrow. This is my steadfast principle, and I will not change it simply because others may not understand or agree.

This conviction is what I must immerse myself in during those prolonged periods of experiencing ‘unforgiveness.’ It instills hope for the future and allows me to envision the possibility of transformation. This belief empowers me to extend forgiveness to those who choose not to forgive me. When I reflect honestly on my journey, I see that the act of withholding forgiveness presents me with yet another chance to cultivate a Godly form of forgiveness. It’s another instance where Christ is being shaped within me as I grow and mature in Him. In that space, I cling to hope and don’t move from my stand. Just as swiftly as human favor can be withdrawn, it can also be restored through Jesus. While it may not always happen, the potential is there, and as a leader, it is my responsibility to recognize this and embrace all that is possible in Christ Jesus. Yes, individuals may choose to part ways, but they need not do so in a spirit of unforgiveness. That choice is always ours to make. We don’t have to publicly disparage someone—often done without naming names—to carve out a clear path for ourselves. To do so is to succumb to the prevailing cultural mindset and to worship at a humanistic altar, rather than following the path laid out for us in Scripture.

Matthew 6:14-15 makes it abundantly clear: if we do not forgive those who have wronged us, we too will not receive forgiveness. It pains me to think of anyone I care about living without the grace of our Heavenly Father in this regard. Such a state would be akin to the profound isolation Christ felt on the cross when He bore our sins and was forsaken by the Father, becoming the ultimate sacrifice for us all. When someone chooses not to forgive me, I must accept that I cannot change their decision. My role is to pray for them, offering them the gifts of life, love, and forgiveness from a distance. I cannot control their emotions or actions towards me. After I have sincerely apologized and acknowledged my part in any rift, I must focus on the blessings around me—those who genuinely love and support me. It is these positive relationships that deserve my attention, rather than the negativity that seeks to drag me down into despair.

I can take meaningful and practical steps to maintain my freedom in Christ while keeping the joy of salvation alive and well. These difficult experiences provided me with valuable opportunities for self-forgiveness and significant lessons learned from my past mistakes. One crucial area of growth for me has been understanding relational equity. There have been times when I misjudged a relationship, relying too heavily on affirming words, only to realize that the connection was more transactional than rooted in genuine love. I have become more discerning about how much weight I give to people's words regarding forgiveness. I recall a pastor I met in Uganda who shared that he didn’t place his trust in someone merely claiming to be a Christian; instead, he observed whether they dismantled their shrines. For him, a genuine conversion was reflected in a changed lifestyle. Similarly, in my journey of forgiveness, I’ve learned to protect my heart. Unfortunately, not everyone expresses their true intentions, and while I am open to accepting words of forgiveness, my experiences have taught me to wait and observe the actions that follow. To navigate this wisely, I must guard against cynicism and doubt while continuing to move forward in life. I refuse to let myself become mired in feelings of failure that can accompany those who feel unforgiven and experience unforgiveness.

As leaders, we are all bound to make mistakes. We will face moments of unforgiveness from our peers, encounter fierce opposition, and even experience betrayal from those we once trusted. We must cultivate the resilience to navigate these challenges. Yet, having that resilience and experience does not diminish the pain when those we have relied on turn against us. The struggle to forgive, especially when faced with betrayal, is a profound test of our character. 

We must work towards deepening our understanding of one another and consciously choose the path that brings us closer, rather than driving us apart and do this daily. When reconciliation seems impossible in public, we must still hold onto the spirit of reconciliation in our hearts and pray for the day it becomes a reality. In the moments when hope for reconciliation wanes, I find comfort in my faith, knowing that with God, all things are possible. This belief empowers me to live fully and walk confidently in joy, regardless of others' forgiveness. I trust that when the time is right, God will mend any divide, for His desire is for us to be one.